Making The Right Move

Making The Right Move

The Nightcap

Nightcap for August 15th, 2017

APERTIF:

“Be polite to all, but intimate with few.” – Thomas Jefferson



Where Not to Get It On

It is hard to deny that part of the thrill of having sex is when it’s taboo. The same sex, day in and day out, can become rather mundane which is why so many people are willing to step outside their committed relationships to find that spark. Maybe it’s with your husband’s boss, in the back seat of a rental car, or with a goat -okay, I totally made that last part up. If you’re sleeping with a goat you’ve gone so far beyond taboo, you are on the fast track to Rikers Island.

The point is that sex is exciting. It kind of has to be. Otherwise, it slowly becomes one of those chores you have to do, and nothing is less romantic than checking your stop-watch to see when he’s done. Like, it’s at that point in your relationship -and believe me, I’m not judging you because there have been times I’ve been so bored I actually hummed “MMM Bop” the entire time. The scary thing is I don’t think he even noticed.

My point is sex is only good if there is an element of surprise to it (I don’t mean in that getting jumped-in-some-dark-alley-way-by-strangers surprise) but just mixing up the hum drum of what you and your partner usually do by adding some role-play or changing locations.

One time I had a lover present me with red roses and champagne which he then dripped all over my body causing a violent, burning sensation in my hoo-ha and I was rushed to the Emergency Room. Another time, a different guy and I decided to do it up on a gondola on a ski mountain in the middle of winter. It was so cold I just sort of watched in disbelieve as he thrashed through his multiple levels of garments, straps, buckles, chains, buttons, and strings. By the time we were ready to go, we were up at the top and experiencing a near hypothermic reaction.

Another time, I remember a boyfriend taking me on this long hike through the deserts of Utah and when we got to one of the highest points, he wanted to get it on. You can imagine how uncomfortable that was; sentiment and edgy rocks creeping up my no-no places while I’m trying my best to maintain a combination of sexual dignity and easy-breezy comfort. I looked like a beached manatee waiting to get lampooned by a guy who kept missing because it was dark as shit. Oh. And to add to that embarrassment, my nose started bleeding… EVERYWHERE. Like gushing blood, probably from the dry air and the altitude, and God’s way of telling me to get the F off that rock. Let’s just say that didn’t work.

Okay, so maybe being spontaneous is more interesting in theory than in practice. It certainly is more easy to relax in your own home, especially if God forbid something was to go wrong like he accidentally swapped the super glue with the KY Jelly. According to a poll taken by Men’s Health, these were the no-goes that men insisted caused more headache than they were worth. See for yourself and let us know if you’ve had better luck in any of these situations.



Cop Out

I admit it – detective shows are my guilty pleasure. Anything involving murder, mystery, and trying to catch bad guys has me hooked. I’ve watched so much Law and Order and the ID channel, I pretty much consider myself an expert on the legal system. I know, I know, it’s just television and most of the stuff is at the least embellished and at the most, fabricated. Still, I consider myself an aficionado when it comes to matters of the law.

Which is why I was pretty surprised to read this lawyer’s argument on why you should never discuss any matter with a police officer without having legal representation. This, of course, makes sense if you’re guilty or could be tied to a crime but I would never have thought telling the truth could come to bite you in the ass later.

Well, it turns out it can. Just because you’re innocent or trying to be helpful doesn’t mean you should be forthcoming with the cops. Why? Well, there are numerous reasons but the main was is that whatever you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. Literally. Even if your intentions are pure, you never know if what you are saying could be twisted and potentially get you in hot water. I know we all like to believe cops have our best interest in mind, but sometimes this belief can be naive.

Read this article from a Law professor as to why you should ALWAYS request legal aid when you are being interrogated and let us know what your thoughts are.


A Bad Lip Reading of the NFL

Football is just around the corner and to celebrate, let’s watch these hysterical lip-syncing clips from NFL football players in 2016.

“NFL 2016: Part One” — A Bad Lip Reading of the NFL