“There is no such thing as part freedom.” – Nelson Mandela
Hey, have you heard about the crazy new show on Netflix about a chef who runs a restaurant like it’s a tax hunt and he’s part of an international mafia of cooks and sommeliers? Yeah, me either. That’s because it doesn’t exist, probably because there is nothing particularly exciting or badass about the restaurant industry, as much as Gordon Ramsey would like you to believe. Or, at least, I never thought there was until I learned about debrouillards.
I’ve been in and out of the restaurant industry since I can remember (which isn’t a lot because I was drunk half of the time). I can assure you nothing truly exciting or mafioso-ish occurred in any of the establishments I was employed. Aside from chefs plating food that had fallen on the floor and line cooks doing cocaine in the bathroom, there really wasn’t anything shady going on in the back-of-the-house.
But apparently, there is a thing called a debrouillard which (as far as I can tell) is a specialized chef that does shady shit to make your dining experience more memorable. Not necessarily anything involving guns or hookers that I’m aware of, but stuff which borderlines ethical and professional behavior. The debrouillard is the person you call when the head chef can’t get what he needs and has to employ some muscle to create the ultimate dish. It’s actually pretty badass, as dumb as it may sound.
Here, a debrouillard discusses exactly what his job entails and why you’ve probably never heard of one.
Kids are the best… when they aren’t yours, and you can return them as soon as they start crying, or pooping, or just being the assholes that kids tend to be. That might sound like an insult, but I have a special respect for asshole kids because it comes from a place of pure authenticity.
When adults are douchebags, it’s not cute because they know better. They have gone through the gamut of social queues and learning how to cope in society and just choose not to. Nothing about that is charming.
But when kids act like that, 90 percent of the time it comes from a genuine and culturally unaware place. Like, most five-year-old’s don’t have the self-awareness to understand they can really do damage to a person’s psyche if they say the wrong thing. Plus, you know its unadulterated honesty, so you have to take into account what they say might be true. For example, if you really want to know if a dress makes you look fat, don’t ask your husband. Ask your kid. I promise there will be no holds barred.
One time I was driving a toddler around in terrible traffic and I’m mumbling to myself, not audibly enough for the kid to make out exactly what I was saying, but loud enough for him to know I was saying something.
The kid yells from the back seat, “What did you say?”
“Don’t worry about it,” I respond back. “I’m just talking out loud.”
“Well, can you talk in loud, please? You’re interrupting my train of thought.”
A four-year-old said this to me. Seriously. And what was so great about it was how literal he took it and how he had no qualms telling me to shut the f up, essentially. That right there is why kids will always be better assholes than adults.
But the people who really get to see the inner-workings of a child’s mind are teachers. Here, you can read the 35 funniest (and most literal) things a student has said or done that made teachers realize kids aren’t as stupid or unaware as we may think.
Pleasing Your Patrons
Not everyone can be a good bartender. It takes charisma, patience, talent, a love for people, and a love for entertaining. Also, it doesn’t hurt if you can master a crazy trick like this.
longest jaeger bomb shot