It's A Hard Knock Life

It’s A Hard Knock Life

The Nightcap

Nightcap for October 26th, 2017


“We have met the enemy and he is us.” Walt Kelly

When life gives you lemons, go back to the store and bitch about it

We are an impatient breed.

We will do just about anything to avoid even the slightest inconvenience or delay because “being in the present” is apparently the absolute worst possible place you can be. (You’d think “The Present” was a shitty town in New Jersey, that’s how much we hate being in it.)

Whether your internet is acting slow, the server is taking forever to get you your change, or you have to wait in the checkout line for all of 2 mins, life just seems to be filled with a ton of things which seem monstrously terrible. That is, until something terrible ACTUALLY happens to you and you realize maybe that car accident holding up traffic wasn’t a conspiracy to make you late for work.

Here, Cracked readers give their two cents on the ridiculous and counterproductive things we do to avoid… well… life.

Ladies of The Not-So-Smooth

“Girls of the night” always sounded like such an inaccurate way of explaining hookers or prostitutes. I mean, yes, technically, they are mostly girls and yes, they do a huge chunk of their work at night. But when I think of “girls of the night” I don’t think of escorts… I think of vigilante superhero women that come only at night to wipe the streets clean of evil and wrongdoing. You know, someone like Spiderwoman, Laura Croft or one of the other badass women I can’t name because I don’t play video games or read comic books. But I know there are a lot out there and to me, those are the women that are “of the night.”

To be clear, I’m not trying to shit all over prostitutes (unless that’s like something they want for some weird reason). Look, if you have to make a living somehow and it requires dealing with some lousy ass men and some very precarious situations, more power to you, sister. No judgment here. But being called “ladies of the night” just doesn’t work. Maybe “ladies of the street” or “Wife doubles for an Hour.”

Whatever they want to be called or should be called, it’s pretty clear it’s one of the most dangerous jobs out there –from STDs to getting arrested to getting shifty guys who beat, rape, and even kill them. Add to that the chances of getting CAUGHT by your client’s significant other? Giiiiiiiiiiiiirl, you better know how to run FAST in those heels.

Here, “girls of the night” discuss what it was like getting caught by their cheatin’ clients’ spouses.

I think I’d rather take my chance with the cop.

What Servers Would Actually Like To Say

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could say what you REALLY thought of customers while working in the service industry? Ya know if you didn’t have to rely on tips for a living…

Watch what servers would actually say if they didn’t rely on tips