“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Weddings are expensive. The only thing more expensive than a wedding is a divorce, so if you are invited to one (a wedding party, that is — don’t go to a divorce party, I can’t imagine it being much fun), there are certain rules you need to abide by.
Yes, it’s a party and you should be able to enjoy yourself. After all, you did spend money on the wedding gift and a babysitter for your kids. This is one of the first nights in awhile you and your significant other can cut loose, so why should you have to worry about social stigmas?
Well, for starters, nobody wants to be the jackass at a wedding that decided to make a speech about all the bride’s exes. No, but seriously, don’t ever be this person. Exes should never come up in wedding toasts. EVER.
Secondly, the family of the bride and groom really did drop big bucks on your meal, alcohol, music selection and photographer to capture all the beautiful (and sometimes embarrassing) moments. So remember this is their day, not yours.
Don’t wear white. Don’t announce you’re pregnant or engaged. Hell, don’t even cough or breathe loud during the vows if you can help it.
Here is a list of other “don’ts” if you are a wedding guest, in case there is any lingering doubt.
It’s safe to say that if you follow my writing, you know I cuss. A lot. More than I should. Sometimes the editors even exchange some of my “choice” words so as not to turn off a lot of you readers.
Fair enough. If you think cursing is unattractive, I totally get it, but you better be consistent with your strongly-held beliefs. That means, if I don’t get to cuss as a woman, you don’t get to cuss as a man, capiche?
Here’s where I get angry: when men say it’s a turn off when women cuss, but they are fine when men do it. I particularly find this frustrating as someone who admires strong, female comedians.
Here’s the problem, boys. When you say things like “I don’t find her funny cuz she’s vulgar” what you’re really saying is “her sex appeal just plummeted for me cuz she dared to say the F-bomb and mention her period”
Guess what? My job as a writer or comedian isn’t to make sure you’re sexually satisfied. This isn’t a feminist rant, this is a “be fair” rant.
If you can watch Louis C.K. or Doug Stanhope or one of the thousands of other male standup comedians that drop F-bombs every other sentence and laugh, then guess what? I get to say it, too, and so does any other female “entertainer.” Sarah Silverman isn’t sweating her metaphorical nutsack off onstage in front of you judgmental people to make sure you still find her do-able at the end of her skit. That’s not her job.
On that crass note, here’s why men find swearing so unattractive. I just gave you the cliff notes.
Taking A Break
I think we all can relate to this child. Sometimes, we just need a break!
Watch the clip here