“Trouble shared is trouble halved.” –
Dorothy L. Sayers
It’s the experimental guinea pig of all the hard liquors. Like, if vodka were an actual kid in high school, Vodka would be that wildcard kid that all the other students convinced to do stupid shit like parkour or guzzling a bottle of Sriracha sauce or stealing the Principal’s car while everyone else just watched and laughed.
I’m pretty sure Scotch, Rum, and Tequila are sitting in a well behind a bar somewhere, as we speak, discussing what new antics Vodka is up to.
It started off harmless enough with orange flavor and flavored raspberry vodka. Not my favorite, but I get it. Then it went beyond fruit flavors and suddenly vodka companies were infusing espresso into the clear liquid (albeit, the Vangogh espresso Vodka is amaze-balls).
Then it got even more extreme with bacon flavored vodka and cotton candy flavored vodka and that’s where I stepped off the nope-ity-nope train. I just can’t. I don’t want my vodka drink tasting like something I found at a carnival.
So it should come as no surprise that vodka has just come out with a dill pickle-infused vodka cuz… why WOULDN’T you want to drink something that tasted like fermented cucumbers? Admittedly, it’s probably good in Bloody Mary’s but I can’t imagine much else.
On behalf of all of us, dear Vodka, we’re sorry you’ve been designated the scapegoat. Also, it’s a Canadian thing so blame them.
To learn more about pickle vodka, check it out here.
There’s something about the time between Thanksgiving and New Years that makes most of us just a little bit more generous and wanting to help out our fellow man. I mean, it’s probably based on guilt because of the whole “Jesus’ Birthday” thing cuz any other time of the year, half of ya’ll would run over that homeless guy laying in the street.
But there’s something about Christmas… it just makes you want to hit the breaks and swerve around that poor old man.
Okay, I’m totally being facetious and sarcastic and probably ruining your holiday cheer as you sip on your $5 eggnog and unwrap that flatscreen tv you’ve been begging Santa for.
But, whether you really are a genuinely good person that wants to help others or you’re trying to get more tax write-offs before the end of the fiscal year, it can be overwhelming trying to decide who to give money or time to. There are a LOT of sad things going on in this world right now. (Geez, I guess I really am just trying to take your Christmas cheer out back and shoot it right in the face.)
The good news is that the internet has made it so you can actually do your homework before deciding on what cause to donate to. Here is a list of charities worth giving money to–as in, you know exactly where your money is going.
But if you still don’t trust huge non-profits, then might I suggest actually getting out of your car, helping that homeless man off the street, and giving him a few bucks. Even if he DOES spend it on drugs and alcohol, you’ll at least know it’s not going to a guy making 2 million a year.
Putting up Christmas lights is difficult as demonstrated in this video.
If putting up lights isn’t the bane of your holiday existence, then you must be some kind of wizard or have the patience of Jesus himself