“Applause is a receipt, not a bill.” – Dale Carnegie
Not A Dance In The World, Bud
Another day, another absolutely ridiculous rule coming out of a middle school somewhere in our great country.
‘Tis the season of school dances, supposedly. (I wouldn’t know for sure because I don’t have a middle schooler, so that would make me suspiciously creepy having the low-down on that information.) But based on the controversial – and let’s just say downright effing stupid – stories making their way to the spotlight lately, school dances aren’t just school dances anymore. They’re breeding grounds where gaudy dresses are giving off signals just ASKING for sexual misconduct and women have to serve their men like the Days of Yore.
In the midst of this media frenzy comes a story out of Utah in which girls have specifically been instructed not to deny a boy a dance in order to prevent from hurting their feelings.
Because that’s the foundation of a healthy sense of autonomy and self-respect – you can’t deny someone something for fear they’re feelings could get hurt.
First of all, if middle school dances have become an event in which parents spend money on ugly dresses so 7th graders can miserably stand around in corners, checking their iPhones and listening to outdated shitty music while filling up on Dollar Store fruit punch, can we just forgo the whole thing altogether? How about they all go paint balling instead? Or do something that isn’t awkward as shit?
Secondly, I have a son who means the world to me and I happen to think he’s good looking and charming. Do I think EVERY girl in the world is going to think the same? Good God, I hope not! Not only would that give him a bigger ego than Kanye West, but it would also prevent him from learning the crucial life lessons that A) not everyone is always going to like you and B) the world doesn’t owe you shit, buddy. Especially not females. If you get rejected by a girl, I’ll be hear to lick your wounds, but those are wounds that everyone has to deal with at some point.
Here’s the full story.
Until I became a parent, I was totally clueless to how competitive it was. You’d think squeezing a squealing bowling ball out of your hoo-ha was the hardest part, but you’d be sorely mistaken.
Because once you’ve brought a child into the world, suddenly you are judged for every damn thing you do or don’t do with your spawn. Here, I thought keeping the kid alive was worthy of a congratulatory hug and maybe a participation trophy in the form of a vat of wine, but no. That’s not enough.
There are two types of moms in this world: the moms that do their best and empathize with every other mom that looks like she hasn’t slept in five years and whose kid is having a meltdown in the middle of Target.
Then there are the moms that think they have everything figured out and make the former mommies feel like shit about themselves.
Somewhere along the line, just having a baby has suddenly become an Olympic sport in which every woman is under constant scrutiny and judgment.
As is depicted in this hysterical, satirical video depicting just how ridiculous the mommy wars are.
Ever wonder EXACTLY how contractions during labor work? These balloon demonstrations will have half of you in awe and the other half horrified…Watch here