Today In America

Today In America

The Nightcap

Nightcap for February 20th, 2018


“One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.” – Robert Kennedy

This Is Not A Drill

The recent school shooting that took the lives of 17 kids in Florida was horrifying, to say the very least.

I think about the parents that got frantic phone calls from their children, explaining what was happening and how helpless those moms and dads must have felt.

I think about how scary it must have been to hear gunshots and see people fall to the ground, having no way of knowing who was shooting and how to protect yourself.

But what really gets me is how the teachers and students handled the situation. Reports suggest that many classrooms were evacuated by students calmly abandoning their school bags, lining up in single uniform, and placing hands high in the air as they tried to escape. You know, almost exactly how we were taught to handle fire drills when we were in middle school.

People, we have gone from worrying about FIRES in school to worrying about getting SHOT AND KILLED. That leap just blows my mind. Students have SHOOTING DRILLS THAT THEY PRACTICE BECAUSE THIS CRAP IS HAPPENING SO OFTEN. We’re at a point now that every school is going to need heavy duty, prison-like security just to teach calculus and feed teenagers their lunch. As a parent and as a member of society, that’s mind-boggling to me.

While the case is still unfolding, here are the most updated details regarding the case.

The Oooooh-Myyyyy-Lympics

We are in the throes of the 2018 Winter Olympics, and they have not disappointed thus far.

Watching people display such impressive feats of athleticism is awe-inspiring; particularly when it’s a sport you didn’t know existed. (Seriously, what the hell is the “downhill ice luge competition?” The only luge I’m familiar with is the one you drink vodka out of at frat parties. Which…now that I think about it… would be a fun activity to compete in.)

But enough about my alcoholism. Let’s get back to the Olympics.

One of the more popular events to watch is the Alpine Slalom Skiing competition. Admittedly, I’m a bit biased because I’ve lived in multiple ski resorts and pretty much had skis attached to my feet when I came out of utero. But regardless…not many people would argue that it’s not a beautiful sport to watch. Skiing is a rush I just can’t explain. If you’ve never tried it, you have to. Even if you only do one run on the bunny hill, fall so hard you’re pretty sure you broke your butt bone, and spend the rest of the trip drinking hot toddies in the ski lodge. (That should ALSO be a sport included in the Olympics.)

So, in honor of all the great athletes around the world that have dedicated their lives to entertaining us lazy, untalented roly-polies, here’s a Saturday Night Live spoof on downhill racing with Mormons.

Work Flow

We all work with at least one of these types of coworkers and if you don’t recognize them, you probably ARE them.