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Calling Mom


The Nightcap

Nightcap for May 18th, 2018

APERTIF:

“A good garden may have some weeds.” –
Thomas Fuller



Call Your Mom Once In Awhile

With the beauty of caller ID, we know exactly who is calling at all times. This has allowed us to skirt phone conversations we really don’t want to have. Simply push “send to voicemail”, wait 5 minutes, then text back “Sorry I was in a meeting. What was it you wanted?” You can do all this from the comfort of your couch while binge-watching your favorite Netflix show.

If you are the type to always pick up when someone is calling, you are a far better human being than myself. I have one friend who could be in a shoot-out with the cops in a hurricane while eating and STILL answer her phone. This woman is so polite she’ll answer NUMBERS SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW, like some sort of freak.

Meanwhile, I’m over here complaining that I have nothing to do. The President of the United States could call and I’d be like, “Christ, can’t he just text like a normal person? I don’t have time to talk.”

Perhaps this attitude is the result of a culture marked by laziness. Perhaps it’s because texting actually IS a more effective means of communication. Or perhaps, people like myself, just hate unnecessary conversations.

This last Sunday was Mother’s Day which means you ABSOLUTELY were indebted to calling your mom. Even if your mom is the type to go on and on about some crazy thing she heard on Fox News or that some famous celebrity got married or that Sue Ellen from water aerobics broke her hip – you have to soak it all in and act intrigued because… well… the woman’s uterus will forever look like a battlefield because of you.

In celebration of Mother’s Day and all the mom’s out there, here is an all-too-relatable video of what phone conversations with Mom sound like.



Facts, Falsities, and Food

There are certain “facts” we collectively assume to be true, probably because we’ve heard them for so long, being passed on from generation to generation. Nobody has really bothered following up with these unsubstantiated claims, so misinformation just keeps being perpetuated.

To be fair, most of the things we’ve heard throughout our lives are rooted in some sliver of truth; they just sort of got lost in translation. Like, “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” There is literally nothing to support this conclusion, but the general idea that eating fruits and vegetables makes you healthier is probably a good rule of thumb to live by.

We also assume “organic” implies a significantly more nutrient-dense product than its regularly-grown counterpart – a bogus conclusion that organic growers love to perpetuate.

The point is, when it ones to what you do or don’t consume, it’s probably better you do your homework before you start forgoing that morning cup of coffee.

Here are some wildly held beliefs about food that simply aren’t true.


Cover It Up

People get tattoos for a plethora of reasons. Sometimes it’s to commemorate a loved one. Sometimes it’s to express yourself. So sometimes it’s because you lost a bet when you were drunk in Cabo.

Meet the tattoo artist that inks to help cover scars and deformities.



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Written by Mcclain Warren


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