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Millennials Ruin Everything


The Nightcap

Nightcap for June 8th, 2018

APERTIF:

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Frank Sinatra


Boobies For Foodies

It’s been a sad couple of years for men who appreciate subpar food and a really nice rack.

Since 2012, the popular chain restaurant, Hooters, has seen a demise in sales, forcing many branches to close up. And, of course, people are blaming the millennialist because everything is apparently our fault. I mean, HOW DARE WE not spend money on mediocre wings while we watch women in tacky, bright orange spandex flirt with old men?!

Normally, this trend would be contributed to the disappearance of many chain restaurants like it such as Applebee’s. What can I say? Millennials love their avocado toast and cold brew coffee.

But, according to this article, there’s another reason Hooters are slowly starting to fade into oblivion and it has nothing to do with the food.



Starbucks Snowflakes

I realize people these days have a hard-on for identifying with political and socioeconomic “parties”, but I’m the exact opposite.

If your political standing was really just a food dish full of ingredients, then call me the Casserole Queen because my political profile is an eclectic dish. I take some of the liberal meat, season it with conservative values, then add a dash of libertarian ideology.

You would think this makes me universally approachable, but people HATE it. Apparently, you have to choose because people aren’t allowed to have common sense, anymore.

So, when the whole Starbucks/black people/arrest thing went down, I (shockingly) didn’t take a polarized position on the issue.

Do I think people have the right to sit at a restaurant without buying something? Hell no. It’s a business, not a National Park. Do I think these men should have had the cops called on them? That’s a bigger HELL NO. Our tax dollars should go to more pressing matters like parking tickets and loitering skateboarders.

The point is, everyone was wrong in this situation. But, because the political climate is so heated right now, Starbucks had to shut down their stores to do racial-biased training.

Now, as a general rule of thumb, I don’t think this is a bad thing for ANY company to do. Racism is certainly still rampant in America. However, I’m not sure this particular case is what should have incited that protocol.

Here is a hysterical spoof of how ridiculous it is that our “snowflake” feelings are affecting the workforce.


Reach For The Stars

Shows like America’s Got Talent and American Idol inspire many to go after their dreams which can be a powerful sight for viewers.

This year the dreams of one pediatric mental health nurse and father of 6 came true when Simon Cowell gave him the golden buzzer.

Watch the clip here



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Written by Mcclain Warren


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