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Tales of Drunk White Girls and Undercover Cops


The Nightcap

Nightcap for June 29th, 2018

APERTIF:

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers



Basic Girls Gone Wild

As a white female, I can confidently verify that we are THE WORST group of drunk people out there. All of us, whether 16 or 60 years old.

I mean – even sober – we’re pretty much the most cliche subgroup of people to walk this planet. What with our love for Ugg boots, yoga pants, Starbucks coffee, juice cleanses, and Ed Sheeran. Don’t get me wrong – all of those things are valid things to appreciate; they are just incredibly predictable. This is why we’re referred to as “basic.” (Yes, even you, Shannon, with your rebellious nose ring and love for EDM.)

How white girls act when we’ve had some booze in us is also quite calculable. If you are a man or are of a different race or nationality, think twice before agreeing to go out drinking with a group of white women. By the end of the night, it will be like trying to herd kittens into a box.

One will be crying in the corner over something that happened two years ago. Another one will be screaming at some poor bloke about feminist rights because he mentioned she was going into the wrong restroom. Two of the girls will be belting out Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” like they are auditioning for America’s Got Talent and one lone ranger will be trying to walk across the dance floor in her stilettos like the first scene in Bambi.

Comedian, Chris D’Elia, does an impeccable impersonation of us and it’s just too funny and real to be even a little mad about it.

Undercover Bosses

The 2012 hit “21 Jump Street” was hilarious and wildly popular among viewers for a variety of reasons – namely because you get to see Channing Tatum with his shirt off.

If you didn’t see it, 21 Jump Street was a spoof on an old TV series about a group of cops that go undercover as high school students. Now, anyone who has actually attended high school knows how obvious it would be if a 20-something POLICE OFFICER was sitting next to you in bio-lab, but for some reason, this is a common scenario in a lot of Hollywood movies. Remember that stupid one with Drew Barrymore where she goes undercover as a journalist as her old high school and for some inexplicable reason, adorns a feather boa throughout the entire film? Like that alone wouldn’t immediately arouse suspicion?

But apparently, undercover cops are CONSTANTLY pulling off ridiculous rouses to implement suspects.

Here are arguably the top 5 most absurd schemes pulled off by those zany men in blue.


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Written by Mcclain Warren


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