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Burger Bill Buffoonery


The Nightcap

Nightcap for November 14th, 2018

APERTIF:

“If it’s flipping hamburgers at McDonald’s, be the best hamburger flipper in the world. Whatever it is you do you have to master your craft.” – Snoop Dogg


The $5 Million Dollar Slice of Cheese

I’ve always had a distinct mixture of pride and embarrassment over the news that comes out of my home state. For while we Floridians certainly must seem like a bunch of drugged out imbeciles to the rest of the country, at least we know how to keep it interesting.

Two south Florida women thought they would be bringing new meaning to the whole ‘big cheese’ concept when they tried to sue McDonald’s for five million McChicken’s worth of paper (how I perceive dollars).

According to our local Miami Herald:

On Friday, U.S. District Judge William Dimitrouleas dismissed a suit filed by Cynthia Kissner of Broward and Leonard Werner of Miami-Dade in the U.S. District Court in Fort Lauderdale.

In that suit, the customers complained that they had been charged the full price of a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, even after they asked that the burger be modified to hold the cheese.

Dimitrouleas granted McDonald’s’ motion to dismiss Kissner and Werner’s amended class action complaint — and he did so “with prejudice,” meaning the two plaintiffs cannot file this suit again.

Perhaps these ladies thought they’d be the next ‘coffee spill’ story to take the golden arches to the cleaners for a fortune but alas, the ~evil megacorporation~ seems to have gotten away with high robbery, one slice of fake cheese at a time.

Learn more here



So Bad We’ll Pay You to Stop

If you’re not too ‘sportsball’ savvy, all you need to know for this one is that the NFL Buffalo Bills are bad; really reallyyy bad. In fact, they’ve pretty much been a bottom tier team in their division and the league year over year for decades now.

But this season has been relatively remarkable for Buffalo fans that have loyally weathered the mediocrity as a team with talent (including new rookies) on paper once against finds its place at the bottom of the league.

Some of these downtrodden patrons have finally had enough with a particularly egregious ‘talent’ on their squad, 2nd-year rookie contracted QB Nathan Peterman. In fact, they’re quite literally hoping to pay him to leave.

The page creator writes:

“Nathan Peterman, we understand your passion to play football and especially in the NFL, but please for the love of God retire and leave and never come back. WE WILL GIVE YOU MONEY, JUST LEAVE!”

The desperate frustration is pretty much merited. The 2017 fifth-round pick has started four games in his career. He’s completed 47-of-91 passes for just one touchdown to 10 interceptions in those four starts leading the Bills to a 1-3 record when Peterman is under center. In other words, he’s distinctly terrible at his job.

Of course, it appears the embattled Buffaloans(?) have a ways to go before they reach the extremely fair bribe goal of a million bucks.


Too Old for This!

Recently, Aerosmith’s
Joe Perry jammed so hard with Billy Joel he was sent to the hospital.

Don’t worry folks, he should be alright… provided he steers clear of the amp for a few weeks…

All the same, it’s a little concerning that the almost 70-year-old musical stars are rocking the boat so hard on their current tour they sent Perry to the hospital with respiratory problems during a rendition of an Aerosmith classic.



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Written by Mcclain Warren


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