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Going The Extra Mile


The Nightcap

Nightcap for November 16th, 2018

APERITIF:

“There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” – Zig Ziglar



Chronically Single

Life isn’t fair and you know how I know this? People like Channing Tatum and Ryan Reynolds exist.

I was always told that the dating pool naturally evened itself out by making really hot people have shitty personalities. Clearly, my 4th-grade teacher was either full of crap and just trying to make me feel better or painfully unaware, herself.

But even the most charismatic, successful, and beautiful people in the world must have experienced being single and lonely at one point in their lives… right? That all-encompassing darkness and self-doubt that comes with being single that the rest of us mere mortals have to endure… RIGHT?

Even if just for a few hours?

Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Hell, sometimes it even has its benefits. You don’t have to worry about what you look like or clean your place is when you get home. You can watch whatever you want on Netflix without the disapproving and unsolicited commentary coming from the other side of the couch. And you can eat cereal for dinner four days straight without anyone wondering if they should put you on Suicide watch.

But still – loneliness is loneliness and it can make you feel really low at times, which is why you have to develop a sense of humor about it (vis a vis, why gorgeous people shouldn’t be allowed to ALSO be bitingly funny). DIDN’T YOU GET THE F’IN MEMO, TATUM?!

Here people take to Twitter to explain why they are perpetually single and you won’t know whether to laugh cuz they’re funny or cry cuz they’re true.



Navigating The Fragile Ego

When you grow up with a vagina, you’re continually warned that it’s a “man’s world” and it’s one of those realities you hear about but probably don’t fully comprehend or believe exists until you actually experience it firsthand — you know kind of like the solar eclipse or an orgasm.

Of course, on a fundamental basis, I was acutely aware that men made more money, generally dominated politics, and could physically overpower most women. But, I wasn’t familiar with how “a man’s world” interjected itself into everyday interactions and nuisances within the workplace.

That is until I actually became the head of a writing department of a firm and suddenly I had to not only helm work output but also the egos of my male employees.

Suddenly, I had to micromanage my own facial expressions, verbiage, and delivery to ensure I was being heard and taken seriously without ruffling feathers (particularly those with the XY chromosome). Thankfully, I’ve been doing it so long I’ve stopped worrying about bruised egos.

However, this tongue-in-cheek exert from the book, “How To Be Successful Without Hurting Men’s Feelings” was all too familiar.

And cleverly executed, I might add.


Woman Risks It All For Ketchup

We all love those McDonald fries, especially when they are dipped in ketchup, but we wouldn’t beat someone up just to get them! Or would we?

This woman lost it completely when she was told that she couldn’t have any more ketchup. She turned into a WWF Smack-Down brawler who became determined to get some red liquid, even if it was blood!



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Written by Mcclain Warren


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