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Businesses Have a Pivot Party… with Porn!


The Nightcap

Nightcap for December 2nd, 2018

APERITIF:

“If you are not taking care of your customer, your competitor will.” – Bob Hooey


Starbucks Wi-fi Starts Cockblocking

Well… digitally anyway.

The coffee house turned international megacorporation has announced its intentions to finally make good on a year’s long threat (promise?) to block pornography use over its famously free wireless internet connection.

A Starbucks representative told NBC News that the viewing of “egregious content” over its stores’ Wi-Fi has always violated its policy, but the company now has a way to stop it.

“We have identified a solution to prevent this content from being viewed within our stores and we will begin introducing it to our U.S. locations in 2019.”

The move to stop the apparent plague of public porn watchers comes after a petition from internet-safety advocacy group Enough is Enough garnered more than 26,000 signatures.

The nonprofit launched a porn-free campaign aimed at McDonald’s and Starbucks in 2014, and the latter has been a little slow on the go to concede.

Starbucks said in 2016 that the company was “in active discussions with organizations on implementing the right, the broad-based solution that would remove any illegal and other egregious content,” according to a statement Monday by Enough is Enough CEO Donna Rice Hughes NBC reports.



You Can’t Stop the Walmart!

I’m pretty sure by the time I’m an old man – and not just a young man that likes to complain like an old man – that the entire economy will just be contained within ‘the Walmart’.

Be it vision centers, pharmacies, or even entire fast food franchise locations, Walmart has been on an inexorable campaign to absorb anything people spend money on into its Borg collective.

But Now the US megastore chain is offering up something new; mental help.

Beacon Health Options, which manages mental health care for 40 million people, has opened a small clinic in the discount department store in Carrollton, Texas. The company plans to roll out the program in other retail locations nationwide, with the goal of increasing access to mental health care.

Beacon officials portray the retail clinic program as an effort to bring mental health services to underserved areas, in a way that will make it easy and comfortable to seek help.

For now you’re pretty much getting what you pay for with only one licensed clinical social worker on site; but the clinic offers treatment for anxiety, depression, grief, relationship issues, and the stresses of everyday living and will assumedly expand rapidly as is customary with the Walmart. Patients can walk in to request an appointment or sign up online or over the phone as per the Boston Globe.

While I’m not sure psychiatry is the place to look for ‘great value’, I suppose more access is always better regardless.


The Porn Empire Strikes Back

In a memo sent to employees by YouPorn by Vice President Charlie Hughes, effective on January 1st, Starbucks products will be banned in the Youporn offices.

It comes as a (likely comical) response to Starbucks ending the apparent free fapping spree over their wifi under pressure from consumer advocates. I figure Youporn employees won’t be put in the BDSM room for their mocha but hey, you never know.

Forbes has the whole scoop if you’re curious.



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Written by Ryan C


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