Policing Ain’t What it Used to Be

Policing Ain’t What it Used to Be

The Nightcap

Nightcap for December 20th, 2018

APERITIF:

“Every Society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gest the kind of law enforcement it insists on.” – Robert Kennedy


…Where Did You Get Those?!

I’m confused… appalled… a little gassy… slightly impressed…but mostly just really disgusted by the possessed penis hunter of Florence South Carolina.

In fairness, it was probably some freak on ’95 not a local, however, the local highway patrol officers were forced to deal with the fiasco — as a routine traffic stop took a turn for the phallic.

“He was sweating profusely and grinding his teeth together,” said one of the officers who made the discovery. “I asked him to step out of the vehicle and place his hands on the roof. He did that, but he kept glancing in the direction of the trunk.”

Suspicious, the officer approached the rear of the vehicle. “I detected a strong rotten smell and asked the driver what it was. He told me not to open it and said it was none of my business. I had reason to believe there was something illicit inside so I went ahead and opened it up.”

That’s when the poor shmuck discovered over 30 human penises… sans the human.

“I was completely shocked, I have no idea why he’d have a sack of penises and he completely clammed up after we made the discovery.”

, To be honest, I might have shot – or at least tasered – the guy out of abject fear… props to the authorities for keeping their cool.

Learn more about this horrific discovery here



Less than 2Gs of Meth? WA Cops are Cool with it

Apparently, Washington is the place to be caught with hard drugs.

Drug users in Snohomish County are going to get away scot-free as long as they’re busted with less than 2 grams of any drug and I mean *any* drug. Heroin? Flakka? Love? No problem.

Weirdly it’s not actually the result of a push for lax policy or drug decriminalization or anything like that — the county just can’t handle the work.

Snohomish County Prosecutor Mark Roe says there aren’t enough prosecutors to take on those cases. Additionally, he claims they are time-consuming and expensive and do little to stop drug use.

“In 2017 our felony division, with no additional personnel, filed 700 more cases into Superior Court than in 2016. That resulted in caseloads far beyond what our trial deputies can handle effectively. Additionally, when we file more cases our county public defenders, because of the reasonable caseload standards adopted by the Supreme Court, get more attorneys. We do not. We just get further and further behind,” a statement from the prosecutor’s office reads.

Instead, Snohomish County prosecutors will focus on the more dangerous crimes like burglaries, assaults, DUIs, as well as property crimes committed by drug users… hmm that last one seems like it could’ve been prevented…

Learn more here


Free the Nun chucks! Federal Court overturns NY Ban

Ninjas across the state all rejoiced as a 1974 New York state ban on nunchucks was repealed. The orginial ban was put into place over fears that youth inspired by martial arts movies would create widespread mayhem – was this a congress comprised entirely of grandma’s? In fact a federal court decided it was a violation of The Second Amendment.

Huh, guess the founding fathers wanted us to have guns *and* oriental melee weapons; go figure.