That's… Not How Any of This Works

That’s… Not How Any of This Works

The Nightcap

Nightcap for December 21st, 2018

APERITIF:

“Being normal is vastly overrated.” – Aggie Cromwell [Halloweentown]


Canadian Woman charged with Witchcraft

Whenever someone from Canada tries to boast about how ~ totally woke ~ their country is, point to all the ridiculously petty things they ruin people’s lives for via their justice system.

I mean yeah, we may be shooting each other down here, but at least I won’t be carted off to prison for something as inane as ‘disregarding a pictogram.’

Anyhow, recently, a northern Ontario woman was charged with fake witchcraft — just two days before the archaic offense was removed from the Criminal Code.

Timmins Police charged 33-year-old Tiffany Butch on Dec. 11, for demanding money in return for lifting a curse. Two days later, Section 365 of the Criminal Code — which prohibits “pretending to practice witchcraft” — was formally repealed.

The Sorceress in question, who goes by the nickname “White Witch of the North,” will thankfully (well…not for her) be the last person in Canada to be charged and potentially tried for the offense.



Cash, Ass, or Grass

I guess its official; the barter system is dead.

At least it is down here in Florida as a Port Saint Lucie McDonalds drive through workers not only declined an extremely reasonable exchange for some ‘lechuga del Diablo,’ they called the cops on the kid who offered them a post-shift lift.

Port St. Lucie police say the fast food worker denied the trade and Anthony Andrew Gallagher drove off, only to return again a short time later. Police arrested him Sunday on charges of marijuana possession and driving under the influence.

I’m not saying the McDonald’s employees were wrong to decline a bag of green stuff – and I’m not talking cash – for their munchies, but maybe unleashing the cops was a bit much. Perhaps young Anthony simply realized he forgot his wallet and was attempting to not waste everyone’s time? Who can say…

Police were alerted to Gallagher’s offer early Sunday morning and got a description of him from the worker. They say a suspect matching his description went through the drive-thru a little while later and police approached him. Think he can pay his lawyer in cocaine?


Emotional Support Animals Hit a Deep Fried Low

Look, as an avid rescuer of dogs I have no qualms with people who genuinely need a service animal — say a Veteran or a kid going through Chemo — to have the benefit of a furry friend. That said there’s absolutely a line and too many ‘wine and Ambien’ moms are waltzing around everywhere with their yappy rat for their ‘anxiety’ or whatever.

Apparently, someone at Popeyes shares my worldview at least as the Louisiana style fast food chain appears to be poking fun at the phenomenon with their latest gimmick, the emotional support chicken (box).

Check it out if you wish but in all honesty, I’m not sure waddling around with a bucket of chicken for ‘emotional support’ makes one the jester or the joke…