Asking For Trouble

The Nightcap

Nightcap for February 2nd, 2019

APERITIF:

“We are all born mad. Some remain so.”
Samuel Beckett



Vexed with Vaccines

If you have been following the news lately, you are probably acutely aware there is some dismal shit going on around the world.


Between war, famine, government shutdowns, mass killings, and economic hardships, it’s truly a lot to process – especially when it feels like there isn’t a whole lot you can do to fix the problem.

Recently reports from around the world are showing a skyrocketing amount of measles outbreaks and the CDC has gone so far as to declare it one of the top health emergencies right now.

One mother sought the council of an online anti-vaccine community for answers regarding what to do because her 3-year-old wasn’t vaccinated and she wanted tips on how to prevent the kid from catching measles.

Here is her inquiry (the comment section is what has this seemingly inconsequential inquiry going viral.)

Be forewarned: You may end up spending half your day just dying laughing at outsider’s suggestions in the comment section.



Hell For The Body AND Soul

If you had the foresight to not breed, good for you! Keep up the good work, champ! Remember: condoms are your best friend.

I mean, look, having kids is not without its perks and when they aren’t crying, pooping, complaining, waking up for no reason at 2 am, or having an epic meltdown – they can be great. But when people say that having a child is the most rewarding and amazing thing you’ll ever go through in life – they’re bullshitting you.

Retiring at 30 and living on a deserted island with an endless supply of Johnny Walker Blue and Kate Upton on your arm is the most amazing thing in the world. Children-rearing is a hard second.

One of the worst things about being a parent (and by the way they don’t teach you this shit in Lamaze class or baby books) is that you have to be subjected to THE WORST music. Sometimes, even when you aren’t a parent.

Baby Shark is the newest music trend for both kids and sadomasochists and if you REALLY want to live out an utter, real-life nightmare – try out this crazy ab workout routine to the satanic summoning song – errrrrr I mean early childhood sing-along.

You’ll love it! I swear!


New Orleans Vacation – SNL

A well-traveled and obnoxious couple (James McAvoy, Heidi Gardner) talk about New Orleans.

Watch the clip here