What We’re Calling Medicines These Days

The Nightcap

Nightcap for 03/07/2019


Cherophobia is the fear of fun.

Ditch the Keto Kraze

Pop-question boys and girls:

You meet a vegan, a cross-fitter, and a keto-diet advocate at a farmer’s market. Which one annoys you first?

The answer is all of them. Simultaneously. None of these subcategories of people know when to shut the f up, even if their intentions are noble.

Look, I get that people are passionate and want to tell others about the life-altering benefits they will receive if they just TRY this new lifestyle, but I assure you, they don’t.

I LOVE alcohol, but I don’t push it on innocent bystanders who are just trying to ask me where the bathroom is. Well, unless we’re at a club. Then, I might bestow my knowledge of the joys of liquor on some poor guy like I’m some self-proclaimed alcohol profit.

The Keto Diet has particularly gained traction over the last few years and people SWEAR by it. It’s virtually the main talking point of every conversation with them. I have no doubt that the lifestyle can help you dramatically lose weight, but so can meth, so I’m leaving it alone.

And according to celebrity fitness guru, Gillian Michaels, you may want to forgot the fad diet as well.

Here’s why.

Out Of The Weeds

When marijuana became legal in multiple states, distilleries and clinics soon followed suit – popping up facilities at rapid speeds throughout America in pursuit of the “New American Dream.”

Once it became obvious that the legalization and use of marijuana had staying power and wasn’t a mere fad, investors took notice. Thousands of business-savvy people began putting stock into medical marijuana, edibles, CBD oil, and (if they were smart) Funyuns and Ho-Hos as well.

But the federal government apparently wants to ruin all things fun and certainly doesn’t want their own people making money off “that damn Soros-backed Poison Kale.” (In my head, that’s what old conservatives call weed.)

So, if you work for the Defense Department, you’re going to have to look into investing in other things if you want to keep your career and make money on the side.

Might I suggest hamburger-flavored Doritos? You may not be able to directly support stoners, but there’s no reason you can’t profit off their questionable eating habits.


Mentalist Lior Suchard’s Freaks Out The Jonas Brothers

James welcomes world-class mentalist Lior Suchard who demonstrates to Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas how the power of influence and the mind can help him predict numbers and music on a truly unbelievable level.