Sexual Orientation & UberEats

The Nightcap

Nightcap for 03/08/2019


“Adventure is worthwhile in itself.” – Amelia Earhart

Sexuality Isn’t a Straight Line

If you’ve always identified as a heterosexual then your whole life has probably been a lie, and you might want to start reciting these lines in the mirror:

“Mom and dad, I know this might come as a shock to you and if I could change who I am, I would. But the truth is, 31.7% of me is a giant homo, and I hope you can learn to love me anyway.”

A recent study that spanned several college universities concluded that straight people aren’t totally straight; their sexuality generally falls on a sexual spectrum.

That doesn’t mean you have to go setting up a Grindr profile or buy rainbow paraphernalia or start conversion therapy. The majority of you breeders will continue going about your life, blissfully attracted to people of the opposite sex and totally unaware of your subtle attraction to same-sex humans.

Here’s what the study actually regarding sexual fluidity.

Front-Door Phalluses

There’s virtually nothing you can’t have delivered to your door within days (or even hours) just by clicking a few buttons on your phone.

Apps like Amazon, Instacart, UberEats, Handy, and a shit-ton of other programs provide you with services and products that require virtually no effort on your part. Sure, you might have to put pants on to open the door, but other than that – the world is your giant, lazy, indulgent oyster.

Better yet, if you are feeling particularly passive-aggressive or you want to mess with a friend or loved one, there is a delivery service designed JUST for that.

“Dick At Your Door” is a real company and does exactly what it sounds like it does.

Here’s the scoop on how it works, the service it provides, and why you might want to remember it for April Fools Day or bachelor and bachelorette parties.

Chad Horror Movie – SNL

Chad (Pete Davidson) faces down an anonymous, Scream-like killer (John Mulaney), who calls to challenge him to a dangerous game.

Watch here