This Can’t Be Real

The Nightcap

Nightcap for 03/30/2019

APERITIF:

The more things change, the more they are the same.” – Alphonse Karr



The D.E.A.’s Debacle

In what would first appear to be an article out of the Onion, a local Fox News station recently published a piece about the D.E.A.’s need for a person to take on the overgrowth of marijuana being held in Texas evidence rooms.

THIS. IS. NOT. A. DRILL. PEOPLE!!!

Such a position would appear to be a stoner’s dream job until they found out they couldn’t actually get rid of the evidence by smoking it. Just burning it.

Maybe they should just make the people from whom they confiscated the weed in the first place eat the stuff til it’s gone. You know, sort of like in the beginning scene of Super Troopers.

Such a strategy would rid the evidence room of unwanted drugs and maybe be a lesson to those caught up in the drug hustle. Hell, maybe Cheech and Chong and Cypress Hill will make a cameo appearance.

If you’re interested in the job, here are the details.



Some people will do anything for a beer

We all have our addictions and we all have to find a way to deal with them…that’s a given. The only problem, outside of some dangers surrounding certain addictions, is when we will go the extra mile to satisfy our cravings.

With that said, in walks a drunk woman who attempts to buy liquor with a fake $100 bill. The best part is that the bill clearly states that it’s fake and that it isn’t legal tender. This doesn’t stop the woman from attempting to convince the sales clerk that the bill is real, leaving the clerk to almost question himself for a second.

When you watch the video, you will not know whether to feel sorry for the woman or feel sorry for the poor clerk who has to deal with her.

The woman is visibly intoxicated beyond reason and she seemingly believes that the money she gave to the clerk is completely legit. This video is incredibly funny because the clerk records the money and seriously asks the woman questions that he already has the answers to. Check out this video for yourself and see just how far one woman is willing to go for a simple sip of liquor.


Pete Davidson and Machine Gun Kelly Take a Lie Detector Test

Pete Davidson and Colson Baker (Machine Gun Kelly) take a lie detector test. Does Colson think Pete could rap? Has he ever fake laughed at Pete’s jokes? Is Pete best friends with John Mulaney? Did Pete have dinner with Kanye West and Kid Cudi? Is Pete a better person now that he’s rich? Does Pete think his tattoos are better than Colson’s tattoos? Find out all that and more.

Watch here