What Were You Thinking?

The Nightcap


APERITIF:

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” -Mother Teresa



Full Mustache

It’s hard to take anyone with a mustache too seriously. I mean, sure, some men can get away with “lip drapes” and sure, some can even look somewhat dignified.

But 90% of the time, if you are just rocking a mustache with no other facial hair, there is a good chance you’ll look like you just walked off the Miami Vice set.

Rocking a mustache is kind of like wearing eyeglass frames without the actual lenses. You just sort of look like a douche which is why this remake of the Full House introduction is so bizarrely funny.

I have no clue who has time to come up with this shit, but I salute you, sir. Here’s the hysterical intro.



Long Shot

So, there once was this woman who desperately wanted to go on a work-related trip, but she had to be medically cleared to do so.

Well, the first time around, her urine came back positive for opioids because she had accidentally consumed an abundance of poppy seed bagels. Panicked, she asked her friend’s mom to take the urine test for her, only THIS time it was determined that she was going through late-stage menopause.

If you recognize this story, that’s because it’s straight out of a Seinfeld episode. However, a very similar thing took place in Ohio recently when a male basketball player’s urine tested positive for pregnancy.

So either the young man got pregnant through immaculate conception or he chose the wrong girl to help him lie.

I guess… congratulations to the anonymous young lady? That’s a hell of a way to find out.

Here’s the scoop.


Ron Burgundy Got into a Knife Fight with Kylie Minogue

Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) chats about touring for his new stand-up comedy career, reveals the knife fight he got into while interviewing Kylie Minogue for The Ron Burgundy Podcast and gives some interesting responses to rapid-fire questions.

Watch here