Lying Gets You Nowhere

The Nightcap


“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama

Long Shot

So, there once was this woman who desperately wanted to go on a work-related trip but she had to be medically cleared to do so.

Well, the first time around, her urine came back positive for opioids because she had accidentally consumed an abundance of poppy seed bagels. Panicked, she asked her friend’s mom to take the urine test for her, only THIS time it was determined that she was going through late-stage menopause.

If you recognize this story, that’s because it’s straight out of a Seinfeld episode. However, a very similar thing took place in Ohio recently when a male basketball player’s urine tested positive for pregnancy.

So either the young man got pregnant through immaculate conception or he chose the wrong girl to help him lie.

I guess… congratulations to the anonymous young lady? That’s a hell of a way to find out.

Here’s the scoop.

Meth Mishap

I’m not a hardened criminal nor a meth head, but I imagine if I WAS either of those two things I would end up in jail pretty damn fast.

For one thing, I am not a good liar. For another thing, I’m clumsy as hell. And finally, I have a really guilty conscious. Like, if I stole a soda pop from a bodega, I probably would turn myself in at the police station.

It’s because of my complete inability to be a criminal that I’m always awestruck when people come up with creative ways to get away with stealing or murder. I think that’s why I spend an awkward amount of time watching the ID Channel.

Which is precisely the reason I was so impressed when I learned how this one meth head out of Louisiana tried to get away with stealing thousands in cash and drugs.

Learn more here.

Ellen Takes a Look at the History of Drinking

From the “Bongzilla” to fish bowl cocktails, Ellen took a look back at how drinking has evolved over the years.

Watch here